I don’t think I’ll ever forget the moment when we were sitting in Union Station waiting for my train to leave. I was going to France in a few weeks, and this was the last chance we had to see each other. We were both quiet because something happened at the aquarium that we weren’t sure about. You were asking me about my girlfriend at the time, and I was trying to avoid the subject. I cared about her a lot, honest. You and I both knew that something had happened between us earlier that day, though. You and I both knew that something was different. The looks we gave each other changed. Everything between us had changed.
I remember you looked me in the eye and said, “I truly believe that you can tell whether or not it’s going to work out with someone the first time you kiss them.” Then you grinned. That stupid grin you get when you’re about to do something you shouldn’t do. That grin always gets me into trouble. ”Do you think it’s going to work out with her?” I didn’t know what to say. If you’d had asked me that yesterday, I would have been able to say “yes”. Not now. Not with you in front of me. After a probably long overdue sigh, I responded the only honest answer I could think of. ”I want it to.” We finished our coffee, and said goodbye. I wasn’t going to see you for four months, which was usually about the timespan we went without seeing each other. Technically speaking, it shouldn’t matter. But everything was different, and it did matter.
I got on the train and five minutes later received a text from you that read, “I wanted to kiss you goodbye, but you have a girlfriend and I’m trying to be good.” I smiled. Why the fuck did I smile?! Then you asked me if I had feelings for you. I couldn’t lie; you’d see right through it.
After a year and a half of bullshit and heartbreak and I don’t even know what, we can’t hang out without something happening. There has not been one time since that day that I have seen you, and not at least kissed you. Thank god you’re moving to LA. Thank god I ran out of fucks to give. I wish I could say that will be the end of our bullshit, but I really won’t be surprised if we end up together in the end. Note: I’ll be more than okay if we don’t.
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